Why Stay Married

Is your marriage worth saving?

Deciding Checklist: Should You Stay in Marriage?

Posted By on January 18, 2008 in Blog | 0 comments

Deciding Checklist: Should You Stay in Marriage?

Here’s What To Do (and what not to do)

Should you stay and work on your marriage? Or is it time to consider your options? When we find that special someone we consider our partner in life, we never consider that something might happen that would make us think otherwise. You’re here for that very reason. You are thinking about whether your relationship is salvageable or whether it’s time to say goodbye. No one can give you an answer. You have to come to that decision on your own. But while you’re examining your options, here are a few things you should consider.

1. CONSIDER THE REALITIES IF YOU SPLIT. 
Think about your life now versus your life if you get divorced. Really consider the realities of divorce – on your emotions, finances, living arrangements, work, children, family, friendships, religious affiliations and your world. And if you are a spouse who makes the majority of the money — regardless of gender, make certain you understand your state’s laws well enough so that you know what your financial commitments to your former spouse or your children may be if you decide to pursue a divorce. Write down the ways in which your life will change for the positive and for the negative. This may help you clearly see the options.

2. CONSIDER GETTING MARRIAGE COUNSELING.
Is the problem in your relationship one of communication, trust or based on some other emotion that you can still work through? Would a marriage therapist help? If you haven’t already considered this, there are therapists who specialize in helping couples during troubled time. If it’s still possible, you should consider talking with a professional and asking your spouse if they would do the same. If you cannot afford a professional therapist, some cities or counties offer low-cost options. And many religious organizations offer counseling or support as well.

3. THINK ABOUT FINANCIAL COUNSELING.
Some marriages fail because of financial stress caused because two people have two different financial personalities. One is a saver and one is a spender. Or worse, both are spenders and neither knows how to keep the other on a financially firm foundation. If this is the case in your life, you should consider getting some financial help you get out of debt and learn how to keep your spending habits under control. If this is your problem, financial counseling may help.

4. TALK WITH YOUR SPOUSE. 
Tell them what you’re thinking and why and see if you can seek out marriage counseling to resolve the issues that both of you may have. If abuse is not involved, it’s better to save your marriage if possible, particularly if there are children involved. If you decide to leave your partner, communication will remain a key to resolving your issues along the way in a civil manner. So try to keep the lines of communication open.

5. CONSIDER A BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR NAME.
While considering the answers to the questions above, finances will also be a top concern. To secure your financial future, no matter what you decide, you should go to the bank and open a bank account in your own name. Stop directly depositing into marital bank accounts. Have the checks sent to you and deposit them yourself or send them to your new account. Then, if you make the decision to leave, you will have access to money in your own name, which your spouse will be unable to touch.

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